The New Year Post

Happy new year's! It's a bit far out into the new year for that particular greeting but since this is the first post this year, I figured I should say it anyway. How are the new year resolutions coming? Did you make any? Are you sticking to them? How hard/easy has it been for you?

I'll go ahead and tell you that I made no resolutions this year, just like I did last year. I do have a few goals I'd love to achieve before the year runs out but they're not stated in a resolution-y way. I gave up on making resolutions because I realized that they were pointless, especially the ones I made coming into a new year. Resolutions, I thought, became an activity (for lack of a better word) that one was supposed to take part in shortly before entering new year, as such, it didn't really mean much. It's no wonder why a few weeks into the new year so many people would have lapsed on their resolutions. Why do that, I thought?

I've opted for what I believe is a better and easier way to commit to changes, goals, or projects.  I decided to take each day as a new opportunity to make desired changes, work towards goals/ projects and so on. I blogged about it here.

So here's wishing you the best of 2013, as you make efforts towards achieving your goals and becoming a better you.

I'm working on more blogposts, I hope you visit as often as you can! But in the meantime, please feel free to share any of your 2013 goals! I wanna read them! You can always do that anonymously!

L.S

On Our Tendency to Place Blames

At devotion today we studied Adam and Eve and how they played the first blame game after they had both eaten the fruit which they were initially forbidden to eat. The writer titled the devotion, rightly, as Adam's Legacy.

If you are familiar with the story of how man fell from grace, you would know that the first thing Adam did when confronted by God was blame Eve, and he didn't even stop at that. He indirectly blamed God as well, as implied when he said to God “The woman you put here with me—she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it.”-Genesis 3:12. As the story goes, the woman placed the blame on the serpent who she claimed lured her into eating the fruit.

Now, this is not an attempt to reiterate Bible stories to you, as I am certain most of you have Bibles and have read through the story countless times. I am rather trying to address the human tendency to get on the defensive when evidence points that we are in fact guilty of a crime. Have you ever wondered how life would have been if Adam and Eve had simply attested to the crime and showed some remorse, if they had simply apologized to God? I mean, God had a reputation for being a merciful Being, would he have actually forgiven and not dealt out the harsh punishments he did to Adam and Eve?

How about in your day-to-day activities? How often do you try to place blame on others for something you are guilty of? It'd be nice to know how often you try to rid yourself of blame, but it'd be more interesting to figure out why. Why do we get defensive? Why is it hard accept blame for things we are guilty of? Is our need to come off as perfect beings that intense or is it more an issue of pride, you know, we can't apologize to no one because, well, because we just won't?

Whatever the case, I am of the opinion that you come off as a better individual when you take blame for the things you are actually guilty of. I mean, that's the kind of person I aspire  am working on being. One who is not ashamed, or proud to take responsibility for her actions, because, quite frankly, life would be easier when I am not thinking of who to blame for something I did wrong.

Thanks for reading. It's good to be back! NYSC camp sucked, but I am glad to be back to my life!
L.S

Response to My Previous Post

In response to my last post I received an email from a reader who wishes to remain anonymous. I post this on my blog with this person's permission, of course.

"I have always worried about my body image while growing up, the issue was always whether I appear appealing to the opposite sex? Because I am male I was not worried about trying to overly dress up or anything of such but still I had one fear deep down within me which was would she refuse me because of how I look? I was not comfortable with the way I walked and talked. I was shy of all these things.

I am still shy but not because of how I appear to people but rather because I find it comforting to be shy around people(a lady or a group of people respect) I am meeting for the first time. I might still experience shaky legs when meeting a lady for the first time, like when walking up to her and trying to chat her up not because I am scared of rejection but I think just my conscious body trying to remind me to comport myself because I am around a person that the positive first impression I give them matters a lot.

Naturally as I grew older all the worry about my body image went away, I don't exactly know why but may be because I had a couple of successful boyfriend-girlfriend relationships. Lo and Behold! some of the things I was not comfortable with were what some ladies found attractive like my tiny eyes(I think men don't know anything about ladies or at least I don't know anything about ladies speaking for myself, this I am sure of, just digressing a little bit). So I understood that your body image is all in your head. So began reconstructing a more attractive me upstairs.

Problems don't seem to end, do they? I am now faced with a new problem, each time I look at the mirror I find myself very attractive, more attractive than my portraits and pictures. This bothers me because it might be a sign of having too much confidence, I don't know if its OK to be like that. Am I on the verge of becoming narcissistic?"

First of all, I believe it takes a long process to move from being uncomfortable with one's self image to being comfortable with it, and overly so to a point of narcissism. To be honest, you don't sound narcissistic to me. Personally, I can hardly ever be satisfied with pictures, I always think I don't come out looking good, but then I am reminded that there is such a thing as being photogenic. We are not all photogenic but that does not imply that those of us who aren't are not good looking people. So thinking you look good when staring at yourself in the mirror is not a bad thing. I did that this morning, I had to pull myself away from the mirror. We all have those days, and then we have those days that we don't even want to stare at ourselves in the mirror. 

Thanks for writing! I wish you more consciousness!

L.S

Guest Post No. 2: On Religion

Hi all, this is a very insightful piece written by Bode Ogunshina a very good friend of mine- for my blog. It dwells on individual choices and religious beliefs. I hope it moves you a little bit closer to consciousness. Read enjoy and share!  You can follow Bode on Twitter via @RudeBode.

Thanks.

L.S

YOU. BELIEVE. YOU.

When I was growing up, trying my intellectual strength with things, trying to find myself, becoming my own man, and whatever else you might want to call it, I caught on to the concept of Atheism. I had been brought up a Christian, and my parents weren’t even the most devout of Christians; but I was. I wasn’t about to *beep* up my eternal life. I didn’t want to burn in Hell for eternity, and I didn’t think anybody else would like to either.

Some might say this mindset is simple; “The mind of a child”. Etcetera, etcetera. I’d say this mindset is naïve, and also, the mind of a child. However, my definition of the mindset of a child is not fraught with emotions, fantasy, and a little bit of fact, but rather is more specific – the mind of a child lacks the ability to think critically and philosophically. They accept what you tell them without question, because their mind cannot fathom that you might be wrong, or that there might be some other option.

I remember when I was a kid, my father told me that his tribal marks were acquired whilst he fought a lion. He couldn’t kill the lion, he said, but after he had landed the lion a few blows, the lion got scared and *beep* fled the *beep* off. I believed this story, and this is the exact same way that I believed the story of Christianity, its doctrines, and that I had to give my offering or I’d go to Hell, whilst the other kids used theirs to buy ice cream and candy after church.

I came across a course in my post-high-school years called Theory of Knowledge, T.O.K for short. T.O.K basically defines truth, and classifies knowledge, whilst teaching you other things that might help you shine in a Philosophy, Economics, or Sociology class. T.O.K put my mind in my hand. T.O.K gave the deeds of my mind into my, rightful, hands. I was no longer confined in the world of morality and trends that my parents and the society had created for me. I could now choose to do what the *beep* I wanted to with my mind, now that I had realized that the truth is a singular unchanging concept no matter what they might tell you, and no matter what kind of evidence they might present. That the truth is the truth no matter what, no matter what they might tell you the truth is.

Not to delve into the interesting course of T.O.K too deeply, but T.O.K made me realize that everything they have told us could be a lie. How do you know that the historical facts that they have told you are true? Even in the world of history, there have been many stories of historians altering knowledge for their own gain. Most especially, I wondered how the *beep* we knew that God was real, when there was no evidence, but only a book with, for the most part, unknown origins.

This is when I became an ‘atheist’. I became very angry at Christians, not just because I believed that they had deceived me for the past 18 years, but also because they were too stupid to see that what they were following didn’t make sense; that what they were following could never make sense. Come on, man. What the *beep*. God knows everything, but he still gives you a choice to decide whether you go to Heaven or Hell. (I remember I used to say. “Either God is omniscient, or he doesn’t give a choice. Either way, he’s a liar.”) Both those concepts are mutually exclusive, logically (and obviously, from the point of view of my then-beloved T.O.K). I tried and tried in vain to explain their stupidity, ignorance, and stubbornness to Christians. I persecuted them with words, I even, for a time, hated them.

I am still not a Christian. I have dabbled with various other religions, but in the end, they tired me out. But I am not an Atheist.

Atheism, Christianity, Agnosticism, all these concepts, they are concepts of the childish mind. One might wonder how which kind of child would be introduced to, at least, the concepts of Atheism and Agnosticism. They cannot understand these concepts, a morally upright and responsible adult would say. However, most adults, until they die, still do not understand these concepts. Today, Christians will still harbor that little prejudice against Atheists and Agnostics. Agnostics and Atheists will still piss Christians off by cracking Jesus-jokes and blaspheming freely.

They do not understand that they are all the same thing. Atheists, Agnostics, Christians, Muslims, Buddhists, Zoroastrians, Scientologists, Ifa worshippers, they’re all the same thing. Christians and Muslims today are killing one another in Nigeria, and it is because they still do not understand that they are one and the same, and not according to the Bible or the Koran. The ignorance in Nigeria is almost so complete that there is nearly no other religious group in the country apart from Muslims and Christians.

The world is populated by 7 billion children, descendants of God-knows-how-many more humans, who have still not understood their basic nature.

I believe Jehovah Jireh,

I believe there’s Heaven,

I believe in war,

I believe a woman’s temple,

Gives her the right to choose,

But baby don’t abort,

I believe that marriage isn’t,

Between a man and woman,

But between love and love,

And I believe you when you say that,

You’ve lost all faith,

But you must believe in something,

Something, Something,

You gotta believe in something,

Something, Something.

-          Lyrics by Frank Ocean, from the song We All Try, performed by Frank Ocean.

That’s the basic human nature. You have to believe in something. Every second, every minute, every hour of your life, you have to believe in something. From something as small as the time you read off your clock, to something as emotional as the death of a loved one, to something as intellectual as the Theory of Relativity, you have to believe everything. Science, Religion, Emotion, Evidence, the Human Senses, these things might be a way of validating knowledge, theories and doctrines, but at the end of the day, you still have to believe.

They say the Earth’s radius is 6400 km. You have to believe in that shit to accept it. You have to believe that a kilometer is 1000 meters. You have to believe that the Earth is called the Earth. One thing that T.O.K never told me is that everything might be wrong, even T.O.K.

However, there are some uncontested bits and pieces of knowledge, mostly those concepts that are associated with nature. Gravity, agriculture, weather, and most things found in nature cannot be refuted. These things occur every day. It rains, and if you throw a knife vertically upward, you better move out of its way, because it’s gonna come down.

Everything else, you gotta believe.

Believe it or not, everything that I have talked about up there is a digression, but relevant. One thing I am sure of, is that it is YOU that determines what you believe, and whether you believe. It is you that determines where your life will go, where you will live, what job you will do, what you will eat tonight, why not what you believe in?

A simple example, the human body. Yeah, you can choose to do whatever you want to do to your body, but you have to breathe. You have to piss. Same thing with the human mind. You can choose whatever you wanna believe, but you have to believe.

When I was a kid, I could not function under the assumption that there was no God. Now, I am totally comfortable with that idea. In fact, now, I don’t give a *beep* if there’s a God or not.

What I’m trying to say here is that there are many different people in the world. If people choose to believe in the Christian God, it is their thing. If they choose not to, it is their thing. However, the prerequisite for living an enlightened life is knowing that your belief is your choice. That is when you have left the realm of childhood where they tell you what to believe, to the realm of truth and T.O.K, where you choose what to believe.

When this fact of life has become apparent to you, you will see that gay-bashing, racial prejudice, religious wars, and all these conflicts based on differences between human beings are baseless, and in reality they do not exist. You will realize not that you are fighting your brother, but that you are fighting yourself.

We’re all the same; we all believe, we just believe different things. 

Love or Hate Marriage? Both

The initial post I had written on this issue drew inspiration mostly from the part of me that dislikes the institution that is marriage. I figured that if I posted that, it'll be a completely honest post but it will provide my audience with a skewed view of marriage, based on my perceptions of course. This is the third draft of this post, and thankfully, the final. Enjoy it.

I love and hate marriage, I am Gemini, and I guess it's expected. What do I love about marriage? Well, there's that stability it provides, and yes, I know not all marriages are stable but right now let's focus on the stable ones. I am only twenty-two years old but I can tell you that moving from one relationship to another can be quite stressful, and I am talking based on little experience here. However, marriage (in its purest and unadulterated form) seems to me like a solution to the problem of jumping from one partner to the other. I know it doesn't happen overnight, finding the most suitable partner that is, however when one does find a suitable partner and the timing is right, I believe tying the knot should be the next step. At least I know that's what one part of me wants, to quickly seal the deal with the next "perfect" gentleman who shows up. Again, this is mostly because I am not a big fan of dating, the seemingly endless cycle of moving from one partner to the other is exhausting. But perhaps more importantly, the stability that comes with having one partner is something I desire for my children. I can't subject my younglings to a different man at different points in their lives. 

However my other half - the feminist, the matriarch, the adventurous one - detests the institution. The other part of me hates the fact that marriage is one of the many things that has been imposed on me as a female. There isn't a way to wiggle myself out of this thing that is expected of me at one point in my life without having to hear pleas to hurry up and just get hitched already and start producing babies. This half of me also hates that in complying with this institution, I will be giving up my independence while also taking a step that fosters patriarchy. Also I hate the thought that by getting hitched I may be encouraging the idea that without a man, or without marriage women can amount to nothing by themselves. It is for that last reason that I do want to amount to something before getting hitched, and this is where the dilemma presents itself: what happens if the perfect man shows up while I am yet to amount to something- by that I mean be entirely self sufficient and independent, what am I going to do? How many of such men will I have to lose before I get to a point where I am ready for a long term marriage?

On the other hand, this other part of me is busy loving married couples. Especially the very old ones who celebrate fifty-years and more of marriage. It's so amazing to see how such people stick together for such long periods, almost unbelievable sometimes.

In the end, marriage is something that works for some and doesn't for others. What I believe is of importance though is the freedom for each individual, whether male or female, to choose whether or not it's something they want to get into. Also, only the individuals concerned in a marriage (or even a relationship) should dictate the dynamics of that relationship, not some religious sect or traditional set of beliefs.

So folks, marriage, yay or nay? Why or why not? What works for you or what doesn't?

Thanks for reading, and sharing!
L.S!

Post-Script
I kept using “the perfect man”, but I do know there are no perfect beings. However, I have used perfect man in this post not to describe a flawless individual but an individual whose flaws do not come in the way of my desire to be with him.

Alive and Well and Still Blogging

This is just to say that I am back and alive and still blogging! I am a little stressed out from travelling for my sister's wedding but notwithstanding, I am writing with what little strength I have. I do in fact want to show my dedication to the blog.
Thanks to you all who read while I was away. Keep reading, keep retweeting and I'll keep writing for you all and for myself.

Till the next post!
L.S

Guest Post: Gutters by Chidi

This is my very first guest blog post and I am very excited to share Chidi's piece with you. Chidi and I go way back to sophomore year in college. She's one of the brightest ladies I know and I am happy to share her thoughts on gutters with you! It's a short but concise post! Enjoy it and get others to read! Regards, L.S. 

Yes I’m going to write about gutters. Especially gutters in Nigeria. Why? Because I know about gutters in Nigeria…and I hate them.

These days, there are lots of places to be and not enough money to buy a car, so I walk around a lot. Or use some other form of public transport that doesn’t cost an arm and a leg. This brings me in very close proximity to these gaping holes of confusion and stench. There are no windows to be wound up, I cannot blissfully walk by – or drive by in those danfo bus – without being rudely awakened from my reverie.

And whose fault is it? YOU! Yes you reading this post.

In Lagos, in Nigeria actually, it’s the cool thing to blame the government. And most times the government deserves it. The gutter paths are not well planned, the gutters are left open, the government decides that the best time to dig (?) gutters is in the rainy season. These are all valid reasons to spit at the government, but lets take a look at your actions.

On a beautiful Saturday evening, you’re walking down the road – taking in the scenery – and suddenly you feel puckish. By all means stop a roadside hawker, by some gala and a coke, enjoy munching on your beef roll, let the cold coke soothe you. Now you’re done with your meal. What do you do with your empty wrapper and bottle? You obviously don’t want their unwanted weight burdening you on this stroll. The logical thing to do would be to throw it away right? By all means throw it nearest gutter. Just do it. When the heavy rains come and a gala wrapper and coke bottle float into your house? Blame the government for not unclogging the gutters – didn’t they know it was rainy season?

Let’s take another scenario. In fact, let’s continue from where we left off. Now you’ve walked a long distance, and because of your coke, you suddenly find that you need to pee. Instead of running to the nearest eatery, mall, or even office, face the nearest gutter, whip out your penis and release yourself. After all your urine doesn’t really stink and it’s not your fault – nature called.

Next time you pass by that gutter and its stench clings to your clothes, make sure you attack the government and wonder why it can’t just keep Lagos clean.

I really hate gutters. They ruin my mood. Perfectly good walks and picnics have been ruined because I have come across a stinky gutter.

So, this is an appeal. Right now I hate gutters. It’s your fault- and it’s the government’s fault. I rather just hate on only the government. Please.